Do I Model the Kind of Love I Hope My Children Will One Day Give and Receive?
Modeling Love for Children, Let’s talk about the parenting tightrope walk, specifically the part where we’re supposed to be Relationship Gurus for tiny, judgmental humans.
We’re all hoping our kids grow up to find that glorious, cinematic, “running through a field of wildflowers while someone dramatically whispers their name” kind of love. The kind of love where both people are emotionally intelligent, financially stable, and remember to refill the toilet paper roll.
But then, they watch us.
The great irony of modern parenting is that we spend so much time modeling things like “Don’t eat glue” and “Use your inside voice when negotiating for a pony” that we forget the big stuff. We forget that our children are currently enrolled in the Advanced Degree Program in Adult Romantic Relationships, and their only textbook is us. We have to learn Modeling Love for Children
The Unintentional Lessons, Modeling Love for Children
Think about the lessons you’re probably teaching right now:
Lesson 1: The Art of the Passive-Aggressive Dishwasher Stare
You want your children to communicate with respect and clarity. Meanwhile, you and your partner are having a silent, high-stakes battle over whether the spatula goes on the top or bottom rack. The lesson being modeled is: “When faced with minor inconvenience, communicate your rage using only sustained eye contact and a sharp exhale.”
The kids’ future takeaway: “My partner is refusing to fold the laundry correctly. I must now purchase a tiny, passive-aggressive laundry trophy and place it on his pillow.”
Lesson 2: The Importance of Post-Argument Archaeology
We want our kids to learn to apologize and move on. What they see is us, an hour after a disagreement, circling back with, “And another thing… do you remember that time in 2017 when you said you liked my socks?”
The kids’ future takeaway: “Never forget a grievance. Relationships are about maintaining a comprehensive, searchable database of historical wrongs. Your wedding anniversary is actually just an annual performance review.”
Lesson 3: Affection is Expressed Solely Through Co-Pilot Navigation
We want our children to be verbally affectionate and physically warm. What they often see is a lot of logistical partnership. The highest expression of love might be a smoothly executed car trip.
“Babe, you check the oil, I’ll pack the snacks, and we’ll meet back here at 3:00 a.m. to discuss the mortgage rate.” That’s not passion; that’s a heavily bonded logistics team. The only time we hold hands is when one of us is guiding the other to the nearest exit in a crowded grocery store.
The kids’ future takeaway: “True love is when two people efficiently allocate household chores and only shout during parallel parking.”
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The Moment of Truth (and Mild Terror)
It’s terrifying, right? The stakes are high. Every eye roll, every neglected “I love you,” every time you interrupt your partner to finish their sentence—it’s all going into the little relationship training program in your kid’s brain.
So, the next time you feel the urge to dramatically slam a cupboard door because your partner used the last oat milk, pause. Look at your kid. Imagine them doing that exact thing to their partner in twenty years.
And then, perhaps, just perhaps, you’ll choose to model the kind of love that involves a simple, non-dramatic, “Hey, could you please grab more oat milk next time?”
Because the love we want them to give and receive isn’t found in a Nicholas Sparks novel; it’s found in the boring, beautiful, messy, and responsible ways we choose to treat each other when the cameras are on (and they are always on).
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go sincerely thank my husband for finally replacing the burnt-out lightbulb I’ve been giving the Stare to for two weeks. It’s time to model some gratitude.
What’s the most ridiculous (or wonderful) relationship habit you’ve accidentally passed on to your kids? Confess below!
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